Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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