I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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