I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
