Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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