i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
