Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
