Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
