Already got asked if we're dating
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
