He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
