I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The struggles of a small town man whore
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
