I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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