Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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