Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
