Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
