the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize