Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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