so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
