You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
