he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize