Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
