I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We are all done wearing pants today
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
