I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
