No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize