Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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