Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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