My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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