I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
