"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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