I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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