I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize