FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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