Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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