the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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