Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
