everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
