I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
