i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
