Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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