they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's never too late to be topless.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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