How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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