I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
