just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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