Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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