corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
