I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
