i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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