thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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