note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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