found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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