I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
