Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
