you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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