You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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