i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
