im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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