a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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