I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
