I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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