There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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