I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
