Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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