After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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