you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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