Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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