high people should be assigned attendants
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My feet surprised me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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