She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
