I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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