Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i out mim tonsoeep
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