the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
