Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
