I love black thongs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She bit a glass in half.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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