But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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