ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
