I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
