yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
