I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
worst night to have a conscience
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
