WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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