Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
