Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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