nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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