Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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