The maid of honor just puked.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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