Quick, to the slutcave!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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