How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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