on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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