no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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