My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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