Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize