imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
