look no pants
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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