I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize