Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
