Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize