You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
