I think I am morally bankrupt
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
