if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
