Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
