I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
