You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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