I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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