She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
